11-17-19 NBA Weekend Fast Break: Sunday Scaries Edition

Honestly, we don’t get the Sunday Scaries anymore and never really have. In fact, we are of the mindset that Monday’s are exciting — a fresh start and launching pad to whatever is NEXT.

But even we cannot deny that going 0 for 3 on a Sunday is SCARY.

Here’s what happened:

First, we took the Celtics -3 at the Kings in the Sunday afternoon matinee. We got the pick in at about 3:35pm EST and they tipped off just minutes after. The Kings continued their solid play from Friday night’s narrow loss to the Lakers. Sacramento led by 12 after the first quarter (not a good start!), but the Celtics got it going and outscored the Kings in the 2nd and 3rd quarters by 8 points in each, so Boston carried a lead of 4 points into the final frame. We were covering!

The 4th quarter was back and forth. The Culprits for the Kings were Buddy Hield and Bogdan Bogdanovic, killing us with deadeye shooting. Bogey AGAIN, just burned us on Friday night in that Lakers game. It’s always our fantasy guys!

A wide open Jayson Tatum corner three gave the Celtics a 5-point lead with 3:50 left. Too much time for Bogdanovic to hit a three, then a step-back jumper, and then for Hield to hit a three and a deep fadeaway two with Marcus Smart right in his grill.

The Celtics led by 1 point with 17 seconds left when Kemba had a good look at a mid-range jumper, but it found the rim. Marcus Smart missed a put-back attempt and then fouled Richaun Holmes with 13 seconds left. We were cheering for Holmes to make just one free throw to send this baby into OT.

Alas, Holmes knocked down both of his free throws to pull the Kings ahead 100-99.

That’s when Marcus Smart’s game-winning floater attempt hit the rim, bounced up to the backboard, fell back to the front of the rim, and then sat on the front of the rim… before falling out. Ballgame.

Final: Kings 100, Celtics 99. Celtics -3 was a trap. A Pseudo Lock, and Slippery Lock that slipped away.

The Kings have now won six straight games against the spread. They have burned us three times in a row: Blazers, Lakers and Celtics. You can’t beat a great team (us) three times in a row — that was supposed to be the rule!

The fucking KANGZ with no Fox and no Bagley — just Buddy and Bogey Buckets. The Buckets Bros.

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The second Pseudo Lock, and Slippery Lock that slipped away, was the Wizards vs. Magic Under 226.5.

We know, we know. You are thinking, “Wait, didn’t y’all just take the Magic Over two nights ago with the Spurs, and y’all hit?”

Yes! That’s exactly what we did. This was one that we just felt in our hearts and thought we saw in the numbers. But we were definitely aware that the numbers could not really be trusted with such contrasting styles.

We are talking about a matchup featuring a Wizards team with a terrible 28th ranked defense, but also with a great 4th ranked offense, and then a team in the Magic with a terrible 29th ranked offense, but also with a great 5th ranked defense. Really, we saw the signs that we should stay away, but we wanted to get that bad Celtics-Kings taste out of our mouths.

So we pulled the trigger on the Under and we rooted for clanks and turnovers. Which we got!

clank

turnover

clank

turnover

clank

IT. WAS. GLORIOUS.

However, there was a problem. The Wizards defense was even more atrocious than we anticipated. Swiss cheese to the MAX. The Magic started getting looks that were so wide open that you couldn’t even see the closest Wizards’ defender on the screen.

The clanks and turnovers outweighed the swiss cheese D (for the time being), and we were still right on pace to go Under heading into the 4th quarter: 165 total points scored so far, on pace for 220 points.

But the 4th quarter, our dear friends, was not what we wanted. The swiss cheese defense only grew in stature. It became contagious. Open look after open look resulted in make after make. The clanks turned into swishes.

In the 4th quarter:

Aaron Gordon hit a 3.
Vooch hit a 3.
Moe Wagner hit a 3.
Evan Fournier hit two 3s. (Fournier saved us on Friday night when we had the Spurs-Magic Over. He who giveth also taketh away.)
Davis Bertans hit three 3s. (Fuckin’ Bertans.)
C.J. Miles also hit three 3s. (C.J. Miles was previously shooting 32 percent FROM THE FIELD. He drained 6 of 7 threes in this silly game.)
Brad Beal hit three 3s because of course he did. (He’s the Real Deal Brad Beal! And because, yup, it’s always our fantasy guys! This is the part where we have to tell you that after the Celtics-Kings game, we made a vow to not bet against our fantasy guys ever again. Instead of keeping that vow, we broke it the very next chance we got, about 10 minutes later. In a way, we sadly kind of deserved this one)

There were 14 made 3s in the 4th quarter. FOURTEEN!!!

This Pseudo Lock slipped so hard that it turned into a pure Anti-Lock. 4th quarter: Wizards 44, Magic 37.

Final: Magic 125, Wizards 121. 246 total points after being on pace for 220 entering the 4th.

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So we HAD to get in on the late action, right? YES!

Another problem: the late game was Hawks at Lakers and we have lost 5 straight previous Lakers bets. Three on Lakers Overs and two on the Lakers as the favorites.

With the Over/Under set at 222 at close, we kept going back and forth. We ultimately decided that we had learned our lesson — we had to stick to our guns. We went Under 222!

It was rocky from the start and let’s just jump to the end:

CHARLIE BROWN (you can’t make this stuff up — also, who he??) hit two free throws for the Hawks with 1:32 left in the game to make the score Hawks 99, Lakers 122. Sitting right at 221 total points with a minute and a half to go.

We were right back in the electric chair. *Bzzzzzz bzzzzzz*

Pretty sure that somebody let out a: “NO MORE POINTS, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!”

The final minute and a half:

Pineapple Dwight offensive foul. Turnover!
Cam Reddish missed layup. Clank!
Quinn Cook travel. Turnover!
Cam Reddish lost the ball out of bounds. Turnover!
Another Quinn Cook travel. Omg another turnover!!!

We were somehow still sitting at 221 total points with 40 seconds left.

“IS THIS SHIT ACTUALLY GONNA HIT!?!?”

The Hawks had 99 points, so the Lakers had to keep them under 100 for free tacos for the fans, right?!

NOPE. Turns out that they have changed the promotion this year, increasing the points allowed for free tacos to 111 points. Free tacos were a Pure Lock. And this was a Slippery Lock that slipped away. Cam Reddish made a 9-foot uncontested floater with 30 seconds left to seal our fate.

Final: Lakers 122, Hawks 101. 223 total points when we had Under 222. Another Lakers garbage time bad beat to cap off an 0-3 Sunday.

Is it Monday yet?