The League Nobody Wanted
It happened. Last night.
Goolsby got enough people together for a brand new 10-team fantasy basketball league.
So many squares turned us down, but here we are.
Round-by-round analysis was requested. Will draft grades suffice? Draft grades will suffice.
#1. LeBron's Winnie the Pooh
ALL IN on The Brow! It was a true shock that AD was taken Number #1 overall. (Giannis was still on the board?) Paul George begins the season sidelined after two shoulder surgeries, but PG put up MVP-like numbers last year for the majority of the season. LOVE the Jeremy Lamb pick with Dipo out until who knows when. Lots of exciting rookies here: Ja Morant, Jarrett Culver, Rui Hachimura (Tyler Parker recently called him the Japanese Jordan!) and Nickeil Alexander-Walker. Also, two of the most overpaid players in the (real) league in Wiggins and Rozier. C+
#2. Team Babin
Was there some auto drafting here at the beginning? SMH. Either way, Giannis at #2 might have been the steal of the draft. Two nice looking PG’s in Kemba and Kyle Lowry. Henceforth referred to as just Kemba and Kyle. Or K & K. Krispy Kreme. (We are already off the rails.) Vooch is the key to Orlando’s offense.. It is Orlando, but stats are stats. We’re here for a JJJ second year breakout. Maybe for Ayton, too? Buddy Buckets got paid (thanks Vlade!) and he’s ready to let those threes fly. Can Buddy get to double-digit three-point attempts per game this year?? Also, a couple of NBA ready rookies here: De’Andre Hunter and Brandon Clarke. B+
#3. Home Dipo
This team is a bit pure Center heavy but has the best one in all of fantasy in The Joker, recently described by Jason Concepcion as, “looking like 320 lbs of cottage cheese!” Also a bit Euro heavy here with Jokic, Sabonis, Bogdanovic and Rubio. Jimmy Butler is in store for a career year in Miami, book it. RJ Barrett should get a lot of run in NYC and Collin Sexton should also have a high usage rate on the dreadful Cavs. They won’t always be efficient, but the numbers could be there. Intrigued to see how the offensive pecking order plays out in New Orleans and Philly with Jrue and Tobias. B-
#4. Enes Envy
Ah yes, Enes Envy -- shout out the old Banana Boat League! This roster is stacked with high upside potential. Steph, Kawhi, Blake and even LaVine are all dudes who can go out and put up absurd stat lines. Load Management is, of course, a big factor with the Klaw, but 17th overall is crazy good value. Thomas Bryant is criminally underrated when it comes to fantasy. It’s cause he’s a Wizard. Lonzo’s shot has looked so much better. SGA is the crown jewel of Round 8. A-
#5. Team LeBron
Team LeBron drafted… LeBron! That’s convenient. We absolutely stan Luka. And we love Brogdon to start the year red hot with no Dipo and an easy opening slate for Indiana. Some oldies here: LaMarcus Aldridge, Marc Gasol and DeAndre Jordan. Even Dewayne Dedmon is 30. Sweet Lou gets fuckin’ buckets. This team is thin at point guard. We’re not very high on Jeff Teague or Dennis Schroder. But loaded at shooting guard! In addition to Luka, Brogdon and Sweet Lou, there is also McCollum and Middleton! B+
#6. Team brannaman
Team brannaman is fucking loaded at Center. A three-headed monster with KAT, Embiid and Steven Adams. Serge Iblocka is here too! Trae Young was wildin’ out the 2nd half of last season. DeRozan is about as reliable as they come. Not really feeling the bench here in Thad Young and Jordan Clarkson, but Spencer Dinwiddie is nice. A couple of Nuggets: Jamal Murray’s Blue Arrow and Paul Millsap’s Paul Millsap. B
#7. Trae Young and the Restless
If Giannis at #2 overall isn’t the steal of the draft, then it’s Harden at #7! People are worried that Russ is going to take some numbers away? Guess they’ve forgotten that CP3 was in Houston the last 2 years. This team is flat out fun as hell. Harden lobs to Capela! (Those happen IRL.) Simmons, Markkanen, Bagley and Bam can flex on ‘em at any moment. Randle is going to stuff the stat sheet night in and night out. How long will it take Kenny Atkinson to move Jarrett Allen into the starting lineup? Caris LeVert is the diamond in the rough of Round 11. A-
#8. China Owns LeBron
A 1-2 punch at the point with Dame and Kyrie. A 1-2 Utah punch with Don Mitch and Gobert. Zion might have been a reach in Round 5 with the arthroscopic knee surgery keeping him out for 6-8 weeks, but Zanos was seriously unstoppable in the preseason. Goolsby was required to get a Florida boy in Horford and at least one Orlandian in Air Gordon. Batum is washed but Rudy Gay is not. Zach Collins could pop and Garland might, too. B+
#9. Wake and Blake
We went fun narrative heavy: Cookouts with Devin Booker! Track meets with De’Aaron Fox! Good-stats bad-team Minnesota Kevin Love! The Point God’s revenge tour. T-Ross, the flamethrower 6th man. Markelle Fultz’s redemption? We are contemplating a name change to “He Got Paid” with Siakam, Beal and Jaylen Brown’s recently inked extensions. Or maybe “Spicy P’s Blue Pandas?” Eh, we better stick with the classics. A-
#10. John Paxton
Russ and Russell! (Westbrook and D’Angelo.) Porzingis looks healthy, ready to pick up where he left off. Drummond will get his 15 points and 15 boards. Tatum appears to be keeping his word after the Mamba midrange detox. Tyler Herro out here shooting lazers that rippp through the fucking net. We’re not very high on Larry Nance Jr. in fantasy (but love the dunks) or WCS with Looney getting most of the work. Curious to see how Dipo looks whenever he returns which remains a very big mystery. B-